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User blog:Hyper Zergling/HZ's Reviews
After Destructivedisk pesteredasked me to make a review blog, I decided to. As per above, I will almost never review stories, unless they are terrible and have arrogant authors. However, you may post below if you have any concerns with some of the reviews I have already done. Rating Categories: *Perfect *Exceptional *Very Good *Mediocre *Below Mediocre *Pretty Bad *Worst Possible More pros or cons may be added after I re-read each story Dragon Ball IP by Destructivedisk Pros *Very original *No overpowering *Humans now play a greater role *Canon characters keep their personalities Cons *Tao is too “random.” **Tao should be dead, due to Super Buu. The explanation supplied, although possible, is insanely unlikely. *Fat Buu is out of existence. *Chiaotzu and Yajirobe beating the hypothetical Frieza *Dende would have understood the situation at hand and sacrificed himself. Overall Rating Very Good Dragonball GH by GHdude Pros *Canon characters somewhat keep their personalities *Nothing above SSJ4 Cons *Terrible, terrible grammar and spelling, if not for my corrections, not to mention new additions also have poor grammar now *Story needs explaining *Descriptions are too straightforward and redundant, resulting in utter boredom *Pan getting mad at Krillin for hitting her during the tournament *Goten wouldn’t be pissed during his tournament fight with Trunks *Since when was Dragon Ball one word? Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragon Ball Multiverse:The origin of Nameko!!! by Supersaiyian11 Pros I can't think of any at the moment Cons *Lack of story development *Rewrite of something that already happened *Lack of spacing between many sentences and behind many commas *Lack of capitalization on many letters that should be capitalized, and capitalization on some letters that should not be capitalized *Image theft Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragon Ball Z: AR by Piccolo The Super Namek and Raging Blast Pros *Good time frame to develop on Cons *Power levels are higher than they should be Overall Rating Mediocre Dragonball Z 2.0:Bruss The Ultra Saiyan by Supersaiyian11 Pros *Disregarding canon issues, the backstory of Bruss could have been a good idea Cons *Overpowering *No explanations for things that just don’t make sense *Minimal story development *Poor grammar/spelling *Image theft…again Overall Rating Pretty Bad REDACTED by Frieza Sama Pros *It actually made me laugh somewhat Cons *In the section of Krillin and 18, is Marron Marron as in their daughter or Maron? Clarified, but still caused initial confusion *Not exactly a "fan fiction" Overall Rating Mediocre (for its intention) Dragon Ball : NS by Raging Blast Pros: *GT is disregarded Cons: *The story unravels too suddenly. *“Vegeta,Trunks,Gohan,Krilin,Yamcha,Ciaotzu and Tien” You could’ve just typed “The rest of the Z Fighters” *Humans and saiyans being born of the same ancestor race *Goku wouldn’t just send his son into the line *Shenron teaching fusion *Broly’s power already rises by the second *The time thing in that world is illogical. If they beat Broly in 15 minutes in that world, then 15 minutes it is, since it’s 15 minutes relative to them. *Virtually all characters speak as though they are little kids. The quotes are not what many of them would say. *Goku and Trunks Fusion *Janemba *Other kind of fusion that exceeds fusion dance and Potara *US customary system instead of metric (100 miles); it’s Japan, not the US *The rest of the Z Fighters inexplicably learning signature techniques of others *Informal punctuation and capitalization *Some grammar and spelling problems Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragon Ball Z: Bloodlines by Princeofallsalads Pros *Solid writing that did not bore me at all. *GT is disregarded *Master Roshi molesting 18...he would Cons *Some cliches, such as the what happens with Turtle Jr. and the toxic darts in Roshi's traps *Use of the US customary system for measurements Overall Rating Exceptional DragonBall:Saiyan Fury by GHdude, RFyle11, and Ss4mott Pros *Nice text for the title Cons *No backstory *Everything happens too fast *Assuming none of them can Super Saiyan, wouldn't Baby Buu be far too powerful for them? *After throwing all their attacks and doing nothing, Gokar suddenly makes an attack that is strong enough...if he could do that, then shouldn't he have done it from the start? *Poor grammar and spelling Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragon Ball Z : NS (Xorcai Saga) by Raging Blast and NomadMusik Pros *GT is disregarded *Pan realistically has a much tougher time learning super saiyan. Cons *Uub shouldn’t know about being the reincarnation of Buu. *Xorcai being Goku’s brother and that powerful, something like that is possible but very unlikely *Xorcai being present during the events of Buu…why would he wait so long for his revenge? *Shenron reading thoughts *Wishing a new time chamber isn’t exactly a “plan.” *Bran is flat-chested and her body is too manly XD *Piccolo putting up a fight…he shouldn’t be this strong, regardless *Relatively poor grammar and spelling *Explanations are too straightforward and bland. Overall Rating Below Mediocre Dragon Ball: The Remembered Coldians by UltraColdian22 Pros *GT is disregarded Cons *A lot of ass-pulling, such as a sudden "ultimate plan" that came out of nowhere and was unexplained earlier *They shouldn't possess a gravity chamber, and what are the measurements of the gravity chamber relative to? *Hot shouldn't be that strong (zillions, which isn't even a number, but I reckon that it's greater than a trillion), because that would make Frieza not nearly as confident in his abilities in the real universe. *Hot using "fire" as attacks. If that was the case, then shouldn't Frieza's species be using ice attacks? *Liquid fire is impossible, because fire is energy, not matter. And say fire is plasma or gas, "liquid fire" would be a lot colder than the plasma or gas form. *They shouldn't know how to perform Destructo disk *Poorly written overall Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragon Ball OT by Realsaiyangirl Pros *GT is disregarded *Female characters play a major role Cons *Tense inconsistencies *Occasional spacing problems *Story is too abrupt *Uub transforming to Buu, just because the portal between Hell and the universe was opened: doesn't make sense to me *The new saiyans are way too "adapted" to human culture, despite being aliens and, I assume, not having been on Earth before **All full-blooded saiyans have black hair, and I would assume, have relatively the same skin color as well. I don't think there would be "black" full-blooded saiyans. **The saiyan chicks are Muslim...and yet they originate from light-years away. Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragonball KC by BROLY LSS5 Pros Can't think of any at the moment Cons *Terrible grammar and spelling errors *Character's personalities are either too exaggerated (such as Vegeta in the beginning when he's fighting with Trunks) or are totally off. *Vegeta and Trunks shouldn't even be alive, or at least they'd be very, very old. *New super saiyan levels are spontaneously achieved. *Villains are revived for no apparent reason. *No story progression whatsoever Overall Rating Worst Possible Dragon Ball Z: Futuristic Tales by NomadMusik Pros *Expanding on something that has been “forgotten” Cons *Story is too rushed *Quotations are not in their separate paragraphs. Not only is this incorrect formatting, but it makes conversations very confusing. *Cell shouldn’t know that he can regenerate, since he learned it when he fought Piccolo. *Cell wouldn’t give 18 “five seconds to run”. *16 should've been undamaged when they uncovered him. *Future Trunks achieves Super Saiyan 2 a little too early, to me. *Dabura killing Babidi *Dabura should’ve thought Buu was useless at first. *Trunks wouldn’t go Majin. Overall Rating Below Mediocre Tien: Origins by Destructivedisk Pros *Excellent descriptions *Expansion on something that hasn’t been explained *Great story overall Cons *The saiyan power level range should’ve been more of 1,000 – 20,000 instead of 10,000 – 30,000. Nappa at 4000 was considered very strong, and I would think Raditz was considered average. **Only the weaker saiyans surviving, although possible, is very unlikely. *The story requires an explanation section to clarify some points. *I don't like the transitions to drama-style writing. *It's nice how you shifted the point of views, but you should have more evenly spread the perspectives. We see a little too much of what Tien sees than the other two. Considering this story is about Tien, perspectives of other characters (with the exception of Shen, because I find it to be a critical part of the plot) should not be included. Overall Rating Exceptional Clash Of Two Worlds: Dragon Ball Z vs. Bleach by Raging Blast Pros No hard feelings, but the only real pro I can think of at the moment is that the grammar and spelling is better than those known for bad spelling/grammar. Cons *Not much of an introduction *Goku and Ichigo go from being friendly to literally trying to kill each other. *Goku’s personality isn’t quite right, especially towards the end. *Goku should have stayed in base form. It doesn’t matter whether you wanted to show the SSJ transformations or not. Even so, the time between each transformation is way too short. *Either Ichigo is way too strong, or Goku is way too weak. **Even if Goku and Ichigo were the same strong initially, SSJ transformations massively multiply power. If I am not mistaken, Ichigo’s transformations don't multiply his power that much. ***The trivia section is not part of the story, and so only serves as something to throw out there to assure the readers that the author is aware of actual power differences. *Kaio-ken in super saiyan is just a no. *Wouldn't Goku just return with another Kamehameha with that final blast in the end? Overall Rating Pretty Bad Sixth by Brady Patrick Pros *Focusing on the past of a character that has little detail in the main story *Excellent writing (although I do remember spotting one minor grammar mistake, not that it really matters) *Impressive for the first story of a newcomer. Cons *The other monks were too brutal. Overall Rating Very Good Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem by KidVegeta Pros *Interesting aspect of whatever happened to the evil of Buu *The usual: great story, good writing, etc. Cons *Considering Uub is a reincarnation, I somehow feel that Kid Buu should've “vanished entirely” if you know what I mean (such as how Vegeta would have vanished from existence had he been killed while "dead"). In my perspective, Uub and Kid Buu are the same entity, just different mindsets at different times. This is just an opinion. *I don’t think King Yemma would “do whatever Babidi would want,” especially when only requesting info. *Goku should’ve put up more of a fight, assuming he was at SSJ3. Overall Rating Exceptional Slaved by Brady Patrick Pros *Nice first-person take on Kid Vegeta's perspective Cons *Vegeta is a little OOC, i.e. the term "cooler." Overall Rating Very Good Why Bother? by Destructivedisk Pros *Yajirobe needed some sort of expansion Cons *His emotions are too animalistic in the first paragraph. *This looks to be a cross between a poem and a normal short story. I personally don't like that. Overall Rating Very Good Dragon Ball New Age (Rigor Saga) by Malik666 Pros *Pretty good artwork Cons *Events open too suddenly. *The first blast from Rigor shouldn’t really surprise Vegeta. Vegeta would just be like "Not impressed! I can do that too!" *'Piccolo shouldn’t be alive.' *I personally don't like the idea of Rigor being Vegeta’s brother. King Vegeta would have made use of him. *Why would Separi sympathize with Rigor? It would be nice of you to explain this. *With a power born of 500,00050,000, he is far stronger than Broly’s initial 10,000. Broly is the legendary super saiyan and officially holds the highest birth power level. *If Rigor was so powerful, he could have easily destroyed all the saiyans at the time. This is more or less a common sense issue. *I don’t know why they’re so shocked on page 5 of Chapter 2. It’s not like they haven’t seen it before. *'Vegeta needs blutz waves to become SSJ4' *'800 million is far too small of a number for SSJ4. According to Daizenshuu guides, SSJ2 = SSJ x2, and SSJ3 = SSJ2 x4. SSJ4 is probably at least double SSJ3, and SSJ1 has a power level of around 150 million. So after it all adds up, SSJ4 should have a power level of at least 2.4 billion.' *Why would Rigor know about Nemakians? *Why does Piccolo’s blast leave a small mark, while Vegeta’s blasts left none? *And why does Goten’s kick actually cause blood to leave Rigor’s mouth? *Why is Goten even shocked? If Vegeta can’t faze Rigor, then it should be obvious to Goten that his kick should do nothing. *So, Rigor knows about Namekians, but he knows nothing of the existence of other saiyans… *I’m surprised the scouter didn’t break by now. You should explain why Separi's scouter doesn't break nearly as easily. *I don’t understand why and how Piccolo’s, Goten’s, and Trunk’s attacks actually hurt Rigor, while SSJ4 Vegeta, who clearly outpowers them all, can’t even do anything. *Rigor=Terrible Gary Stu *'Goku shouldn’t even be there, as per the end of GT.' *'Goku is so far away, and yet he is able to sense the split second of energy rise, while the others who are present cannot. I don't recall Goku being the most sensitive to ''ki.' *So now Vegeta is finally strong enough to hurt Rigor with just a punch *Shouldn’t Rigor be in outer space by Chapter 8, Page 11? *'If Super Saiyan 3 can be felt from an alternate dimension, then Super Saiyan 5 should have been sensed by the Z Fighters long ago, considering its power.' Overall Rating Pretty Bad Dragon Ball Z: The Forgotten by KidVegeta Prince Vegeta Saga Pros *"I need your heh... I need your hehlehlehlehl..."'' — Prince Vegeta *''"Hey Vegeta, I bet I can blow up more buildings than you."'' — Ledas "You’re on!" — Prince Vegeta *''"The first rule of war…"'' — Alien "… is that there are no rules." — Prince Vegeta *This is a great way to start the whole The Forgotten. Of course, it’s common sense to start at the beginning of things, but KidVegeta did a very good job on this. Being me, I can’t really explain. Cons *At the start of A Little Paranoia Never Hurt Anyone, I don’t really see the point in dividing King Vegeta’s monologue into such small sections. Explained *Vegeta and Ledas become friends a little too quickly, considering how arrogant Vegeta is. Fixed *I’m not really sure of the purpose of binding Vegeta and Ledas’ tails together. Even then, considering that they’re stronger than Nappa, wouldn’t they also be able to separate the binding? Fixed *''""'' — Always Remember Your First Wouldn’t Ledas be strong enough for Vegeta to not affect him? If he’s being overly careful not to get Vegeta killed, then never mind. Fixed *''"Prince Vegeta: Yes, lord Frieza. Ledas: Yes, lord Frieza."'' — Lord Frieza I think it would be less confusing if you did something more like "Prince Vegeta & Ledas: Yes, lord Frieza." Fixed *With the power difference between Ledas and Lascon, Ledas should be able to see his grandfather, even if his grandfather “teleports.” Fixed Lauto Saga Pros *''“Bah, don’t worry about that. If he even does suspect us, we can just blame it on insurrectionists, or a rabid bunch of space ducks. You know how dangerous those are. Now, let’s get out of here.”'' – Banas “But the space duck is a majestic creature…”— Meloon *I like the general idea of how Ledas is, even though involuntarily, part of an elite team of different aliens. Cons *''“Lieme: 13,000, captain.”''— Wind Swept Why does Lieme give a fairly accurate number if he doesn’t use scouters? *''“”''— Two One Eyed Dogs The natives didn’t really contribute much at all, so I’m not sure if that line is even significant. *''“Meloon: Why, you lit- ”''— Big Mistake Meloon should be able to see Ledas, being eight times as strong, regardless of his state of rage. Meloon also shouldn’t be feeling Ledas’ attacks either; I don’t think Meloon would be that down-powered in a state of rage. I think it would better if you had Meloon’s rage to just miss Ledas with every attack he throws. If you want him hurt, have Ledas hit weak spots like his eyes. *''“”''— Big Mistake I don’t think Banas would be struggling to roll Ledas over, given how strong he is. However, you can just have Ledas wake up earlier. *''“Layeeck: If you feel you are about to transform, just destroy the power ball. You won’t transform that way. Don’t let yourself go without a tail. A good amount of our power is in our tails, son and so is our identity. Our tails make us Saiyans, they make us who we are. Without one, you are not a true Saiyan.”''— New Tricks I’m not sure if destroying the power ball would halt transformation, seeing how Vegeta didn’t destroy his to stop Gohan from transforming. *''“”''— A Mess Of Politics You describe just about all other fights, but this one, you just leave for imagination. *Why is Payar taking over temporarily as the new captain? Lieme is stronger and smarter. *''“Lieme: Yes, governor. Payar: Yes, governor. Meloon: Yes, governor.”''— A Mess Of Politics Same deal as with the previous saga *Unless the rocks that fell on Payar are ridiculously hard and heavy, or Payar was hit by something else, Payar shouldn’t be severally injured. Stomping Ground Saga Pros *Grif is hilarious. *The whole thing is filled with action and never gets the reader bored. Cons *Banas is very much stronger than Ledas, so any afterimage Ledas creates shouldn’t really fool him. I think you should come up with another way for Ledas to escape (techniques that stun people), or just remove the encounter altogether. *The time gap doesn’t appear very convincing, although it could just be because I’m not seeing the actual scene in the form of manga or anime. *Why didn’t Ledas just use a power ball to become Great Ape in his first battle against Nepar? Wouldn’t that be the logical thing to do, since Nepar is huge? *Is Aprido unable to throw out an explosive wave, even when he’s tied up? *I’m not sure why Ledas cares for the natives so much. *''“LIEME HITS LEDAS INTO A TREE, AND GOES FOR ANOTHER PUNCH, BUT ONLY HITS AN AFTERIMAGE”''— Ascendancy Shouldn’t Ledas fly through the tree? *The way Ledas becomes a true super saiyan is anti-climactic. After all he's been through, he gets angry over just a few natives he shouldn't care any less about. Planet Earth Saga Pros The cons below are lesser problems. Cons *''“”'' — Exodus I thought he was mad. *I don’t understand the purpose of Layeeck appearing as a vision at that time. *Banas shouldn’t bleed from just a wooden desk. It’s like smashing someone’s face through a box made out of thin crackers. Would you feel it? Not really. *I don’t think Mrs. Fanshi would just randomly toss Ledas in a regular school if he doesn’t even know what school is. *''“Police Chief Nagamo: We have no word yet on the number of causalities that occurred in the home fire, earlier today. Yes, it was a fire, a mere accident. There is no evidence, nor any concern that what occurred today was deliberate, or part of some kind of crime. That is all I can say for today. ”'' — Mist Typo *Ledas’ fight with Vegeta seemed over too quickly. *I’m not sure why Ledas would bother to go back to Fanshi’s house, now that he has the gravity room. *I would imagine Ledas would break a few chopsticks before getting used to them. *Piccolo must really take long to power up. Reunion Saga Pros *Kindler is so cool. *''"Piccolo: Hmm… this may be trouble. Gohan: What do you mean, Piccolo? Piccolo: That alien is now far stronger than Yamcha. Even when they were even, Yamcha couldn’t give him any major damage. Now if he’s not careful… he could get himself killed. '" — They Call Me Yamcha Cons *It’s a wonder Cardinal would ever have someone like Dewberry work for him. *Why does Ledas need to go super saiyan against Dewberry? *''"<'''LEDAS SMIRKS AND CREATES AND AFTERIMAGES WHICH STAYS IN HIS PREVIOUS PLACE; HIS REAL FORM MOVES AROUND BEHIND DEWBERRY, TOO QUICKLY FOR THE LATTER TO SEE>"'' — Blink Typo *''""'' — Paid in Blood Typo *Not sure why The Benefactor is so obsessed with Ledas Fulfillment Saga Pros “Yajirobe: Besides, that 18 girl is android or something. They have like robot stuff to make ‘em survive anything. '''Maybe that’s why she has such big-'”'' — Raven Veins Cons *Why is the Red Ribbon Army still functioning after all these years? *Why were they brought back with the Dragon Balls? I’m sure they would still be considered evil, especially when they still want to take over the world. *Why would Krillin stay in the ride when he already has the bag of senzu beans? *I think just using Ledas’ DNA to get stronger is not a very good idea. *I really don’t understand why The Benefactor is so obsessed with Ledas. *Wouldn’t Silver be able to kick Ryori or something? Overall Rating Exceptional Next In Line (Won't be reviewed for a long time) *Screwed (Legacies Episode) by Frieza Sama *Yu Yu Hakusho Z by Destructivedisk *Facing The Ultimate Weapon: Armen vs Android 0 by Achrones150 *The Finish Line by Chocolateaddictjr *Dragon Ball: Yami by Supersaiyian11 *Rise of the Villians by SuperSaiyanKrillin *Life Of A Son by ExtremeSSJ4 *Dragon Ball:Adventures by User:99.67.112.19 *Dragon Ball T by Supersaiyian11 *Cell and Frieza Go Camping by ParaGoomba348 *The Innocence of Broly by Goku484 Category:Hyper Zergling Category:Blog posts